Wednesday March 18, 2020

This wasn’t supposed to be getting harder. I already did the hard stuff. Right now I was supposed to be trying to get back to some kind of normalcy. Instead I’m staring at the same walls for who knows how long....

A year ago at this time, for me the world was a scary place. I was fighting for my life. I hate to use this phrase but it’s the g-d awful truth, I was merely trying not to die.

It’s been determined that I have a very high case of PTSD and one of the normal/common side effects of PTSD is feeling like the world is still unsafe, under normal conditions. Now the work is REALLY unsafe, as we social distance ourselves and self quarantine ourselves. Imagine how that plays out in my mind, body, and soul. Now I have to really practice mindfulness and my breathing techniques. As long as I’m in my house with my family, and we don’t go anywhere I’m fine. Thank goodness these kids of mine don’t have to go anywhere and Jason can work from home. But then we still have the people out there that still aren’t taking this seriously and so it’s like never ending. If you are someone who isn’t taking social distancing seriously, I have one question for you.... WHY???

Just like cancer, COVID-19 doesn’t discriminate and is deadly. Just like cancer, it may not be deadly for everyone who contracts this awful sickness, but it’s showing a huge amount of death tolls everyday. And for someone who may be still be immunocompromised, it’s even scarier. I didn’t fight for my life with cancer to worry about dying from a different sickness.. at least one that has no cure. One that there’s no specific medicine or vaccine for. At least with cancer it’s something that isn’t spreadable airborne. If And at least with cancer, there are treatments.  I think I have more anxiety now with this going on than I did when I was first diagnosed with cancer, and I didn’t think that was even possible.

So these days we are in our home, homeschooling, playing, waving to friends on our driveway from feet apart.  We are video conferencing with friends and FaceTiming with family. Sometimes my kids start to lose it, sometimes we as parents start to lose it, but eventually this will end and because we stayed away and took this seriously, we will be ok. But this is extremely hard. And we didn’t think life for us could get any harder.

But here’s where the positivity comes into play. Instead of focusing on what we can’t do, focus on what we can do. We can spend more time with our families. We can cuddle more with our kids. We can use our imaginations and all of the online resources to make this a fun time for kids, not a traumatic time for kids. Turn off the news during the day. It will still be there at night. I have apps that I get push notifications for if there’s breaking news. That’s enough for me and then later on when the kids are asleep, I take a bit and catch up. If you don’t have kids, use this as a time to take up a hobby that you always wanted to do. Or practice your skills. Lots of museums are offering free virtual tours for kids. Join in on some. Not being able to have social gatherings, birthday celebrations, sporting games, and maybe even a wedding can be super frustrating and saddening. But at times like these you have to focus on THE MOST important things- you are alive, hopefully you are well, you have a roof over your head, and thankfully there is technology to help us socialize with others.

Just like cancer, I was learning to live in a new norm, we all have to do the same for awhile. This is our new norm and as long as you take precautions and are well, be happy that you are. If you have very little kids, be very happy you don’t have to homeschool them yet! It’s hard!!

I wouldn’t recommend bashing people that are having a hard time with any of this. Judgement doesn’t help. Maybe parents are having a hard time teaching because this isn’t their field of expertise but if I were asked to do your job and I had no clue what I was doing, you’d bet I’d feel overwhelmed and discouraged. And when teachers teach in the classroom, we may have to teach to 20-30 kids, but we don’t have little toddlers or babies to care for at the same time. We have the tools and the classroom management skills to reign in our students. And don’t forget, our kids are disappointed right now too. Our young ones have to adapt to a whole new way of learning. Without an actual classroom, without friends, with possible external distractions like younger siblings running around which might not be stoppable at certain times. They have to get used to all of this too. And teachers have never done this before so it’s all trial and error for everyone. This is uncharted territory for EVERYONE.

So let’s try to uplift, rather than bash or laugh at others who are struggling. Let’s help and support one another during these trying times. We are all trying to do our best to stay afloat in this crazy world. And for those of us, like me, who thought the struggling was over, are thrown right back into it again.

Kindness, support, strength, love, prayer for those who need it. That’s what we all should be doing. Don’t stress over the small stuff and if you need help, reach out. Make things work for you. Learn to adapt however you can and if you can’t get schoolwork done in a day, it’s ok. Family time is super important too and these kids need us at our best. This shouldn’t be traumatic for them. They act how we act. So try to find the good and relax. Make this fun. A new learning experience for everyone.

If we do what’s necessary now and hunker down, we all can have that many more happy times outside the home in the near future. 💗