June 29, 2019- Saturday Night 10pm

I haven’t been writing much lately. There’s just been so much going on within the past few weeks, that except for the residual side effects of the chemo that I’ve learned to put up with or my weekly doctor appointments, I’ve kind of managed to put the C word to rest for a bit. Not that I couldn’t or wouldn’t talk about it, but it was nice to not have to think about it on a constant basis for a little bit.

So where have I been or what have I been up to since my chemo ended? Well, we’ve spent quality time as a family going to Sesame Place, Point Pleasant boardwalk, out to dinner together, and playing in our backyard. We’ve had friends over to our house, Jason and I have gone out on our own date nights or date days, and I’ve gone to dinner with friends. We celebrated Matthew’s 5th birthday and got to see him graduate Pre-K. I drove by myself to Haverstraw, NY to hang with my sister and my niece on the beautiful Hudson, I took Ryan to the beach, had mommy/Matthew time, and I took Ryan on his first merry go round ride. I participated in a Stomp the Monster event with my amazing, supportive family and friends to help raise money for other cancer patients and caregivers. I shopped by myself, spent time with my sister, my parents, my other close family members, my friends, and had play dates for Ryan. I also reunited with family that I hadn’t seen in quite some time. I ate foods that I hadn’t been able to tolerate in months, enjoyed some ice cream and some good wine from time to time, had some time to visit with coworkers and my class, and I finally made it to see Matthew’s last t-ball game. I’ve spent time awake all day on a Friday and have been able to stay up at night, and I’ve been functional on a Saturday and Sunday. There’s probably more, but I’m a little forgetful these days. Chemo brain is real. So, all this in a matter of 4 weeks. Do I still have pains? Yes, almost everywhere, usually all of the time. Do I still get tired easily? Always. Do I need help with the kids? Yes. But, I learned and am continuing to learn how to manage. I was told by my oncologist that for as long as I was receiving chemo treatments, it will take my body at the very least, the same amount of time if not a little longer, to return back to normal. So, I’ve been living my life and doing all of the things I haven’t been able to do in awhile, things I won’t be able to do for awhile again, and all of the things that we sometimes take for granted. Time that can never be gotten back- especially that time with my kids, my husband, and my family. Life certainly takes those unexpected turns and there’s absolutely no time to waste.

The past few months have certainly been nothing short of a rollercoaster ride with the ups and downs and twists and turns and everything and anything else in between with having stage 3 invasive ductal carcinoma breast cancer. A cancer that I found on my own with not only one tumor, but 2 tumors as I was only 7 months postpartum with our rainbow baby that we had been waiting for, for just about 3 years. It’s now been almost 7 months since the night I felt my tumors, a few days over 6 months since the day that I was given my diagnosis, and exactly 4 weeks to the day that I had my last chemo. And on this Monday, July 1st - 2 days, or as I write this, in just about 32 hours from now, I will be heading into surgery for my double mastectomy. A surgery that I’ve been waiting patiently for, for the past 6 months because all I’ve wanted since the day I was given my diagnosis was to get these cancer causing tumors and anything else related out of me and off of me.  Even though the cancer is only on the left side, I’ve elected to do both. I want to do everything I can to prevent this from ever happening again. So bilateral mastectomy, which is the correct medical term for what I’m having done, here I come.

I’ve been through surgery before. When I was in 8th grade, at only 13 years old, I had my first arthroscopic knee surgery on my right knee. A few years later, in the beginning of the summer of 1999 I had arthroscopic knee surgery on my left knee. In 2014 I had my first c-section- not planned, in 2016 I had my gallbladder removed and in 2018 I had my 2nd, this time planned, c-section. So the fact that I’m having another surgery, doesn’t really bother me. Although the recovery will be a little different, right now as I’m thinking about it, I’m not at all phased by it. The unknown- that becomes the unnerving part. How much tissue has it invaded? Is it in my lymph nodes?  Will they find anything else that we didn’t know about? How uncomfortable will these expanders that are being put in to hold the place for implants down the road, actually be? When will I really be able to lift my arms well again? When will I really be able to hold my 14 month old? When will I finally be able to return to somewhat of normalcy? A majority of these questions are just a wait and see kind of game and just remembering in the back of my mind that there is, thankfully, a light at the end of this tunnel and that light is getting closer and closer.

Today I was finally able to take Matthew to karate. I hadn’t been able to see him do karate since the beginning of March. I spent the rest of the day hanging out with my family. I had a water fight with Matthew, ran around with Ryan and Jason, and we had my parents with us for dinner. Tonight I rocked Ryan to sleep and I sat and played with Matthew. Tomorrow morning we are getting out as soon as the kids are up, to head to my favorite beach spot on Avon for a few hours. Soaking up every moment I can.

I have to be at the hospital at 5:30am Monday morning. My procedure is scheduled for 7:15am. Jason, my parents, and my sister will be with me. Arrangements for my kids have been made, as Matthew has camp and Ryan will be with my in-laws. I will be staying overnight on Monday at the hospital but I’m definitely pushing for Tuesday night as well, as it will be easier to rest at the hospital. Jason, my sister, and my parents will update when they can and I’m sure at some point someone will hop onto the group page and post something so you’ll all know how I’m doing once I’m out of surgery and situated and all.

Again, from as deep as my heart can go, I thank you. I thank you for all of your continued support, good wishes, and prayers. I am one lucky girl with so many people and so much to be grateful and thankful for. I appreciate everything and everyone so much.

TeamMichele is at it again...💗🙏💪🏻