July 12th 2019

It’s amazing how time really flies by.  I mean we experience it everyday with our kids, our jobs, our daily lives, but how often do we sit down and really reflect on the time that has gone by? I love to reflect. It’s something that I’ve grown accustomed to because it reminds me of where I’ve been and how far I’ve come with anything I’ve done and how I want to improve or do differently. This practice has absolutely benefited me in every aspect of my life.

Back in December when my journey with breast cancer began, of course I went through the mental and emotional challenges of why me but never did I let it phase me. I’m a very, very structured person who loves to have a plan in place and I guess you can say maybe spiritual in a way, where I believe that everything that happens in our lives happens for a reason, so as I looked back on all of my life experiences I couldn’t help to think not why me, but how me...how was I led to this point? And although both questions of how I was led to this point and why I was given this journey will never be answered and I’m ok with that, I always have and will always still truly believe in my heart that everything, all of my life experiences thus far have built me up and have made me strong enough to not only fight this battle, but to win this battle.

Although my journey isn’t over yet, tonight I feel victorious. Since the day of my biopsy back in December I promised myself that I would take everything step by step, and I’ve followed that since. Whether it be minute by minute, hours by hours, days by days, weeks by weeks, milestone by milestone, everything has been and continues to be a checklist in my mind. After my procedure on July 1st, I was left with 4 drains and omg were they uncomfortable. But with everything I’ve been through, the drains by far were nothing except for a nuisance. During the weeks of chemo my checklist was minute by minute, sometimes hour by hour, then day by day. Then it was procedure time and my checklist was milestone by milestone- ok surgery done, check. Got out of hospital, check. Can sleep on couch recliner, check. And every day that I could do a little bit more, was a check. Getting 2 drains out during my plastic surgeon visit this past Monday at only a week out of my procedure, check!! Ok next appointment is Friday and hopefully these last 2 drains can come out. Check! They were taken out! One more thing crossed off my list! Another milestone completed. No more drains in me and I’m only 12 days post procedure.

It’s hard to put into words and to describe what I’m actually feeling but if I try, I can say that tonight I feel free. I’ve never climbed an actual mountain but I think I can equate my feelings to something of the sort. All this time I truly felt like I’ve been climbing a mountain. I was tired and sore, pushing myself to keep going little by little. And with every milestone crossed off my list, the higher I’ve climbed on this mountain and tonight I feel like I’ve made it to the top. I can breathe a little easier, I can think a little bit clearer, except for when my chemo brain comes into play and I can’t remember something lol, and tonight I just feel stronger. And as I said before we don’t know if my journey is over yet, but I feel at peace with where I am. Tonight im sitting in my backyard but it’s almost if I’m standing on top of that mountain looking around. I had dinner tonight with friends, celebrating my milestone with good food and a glass of wine, and now as I sit here in silence, the moon is out, the sky has amazing colors, and the fireflies are starting to dance. I’m feeling gratitude for everything around me.

So what happens now....
Thursday, July 18th, that’s next on my checklist because that’s when we’ll hopefully find out about what the next step is. It could be radiation, it could be I don’t need radiation, it could be something else. But for this weekend I’m choosing not to think about it. I’m choosing to celebrate where I’ve been and what I’ve accomplished, and where I am today.  The adrenaline rush after getting these drains out is crazy. Don’t worry, I’m not going overboard. I will still take it easy and follow my directions of not lifting and still not doing too much, but I’m headed into this weekend feeling amazing. I’ve never in my life ever doubted myself at anything I’ve done, but now I feel more than ever before that I can do anything and I can handle anything. Nothing can phase me and nothing can bring me down. Tonight I feel amazing.  And with my new look that I was finally brave enough to reveal this week....maybe even a little badass, as my husband likes to say.

I was always tough before, but now I’m feeling tougher than ever. I’m still the same old Michele, but with a whole new outlook and perspective. I’m never thankful for my cancer, but I’m thankful for what my cancer has taught me. Everything happens for a reason....

Enjoy your weekend!! I sure am going to enjoy mine and sorry if I clog up your newsfeed with pics!!!

Michele 💗💪🏻😁