2019.... it isn’t over yet, but we are getting closer. A year that seems so surreal because I’ve been through so much that now I can’t really believe that I did it all. A year ago today, none of this was even an inkling of a thought. And then just a few weeks later.... boom. Life was turned upside down. These past almost 11 months have been nothing short of crazy. Actually the past few years have been nothing short of crazy. 2014- our first son was born. 2 miscarriages, a ton of failed attempts at another pregnancy, and one concussion later on my part, finally April of 2018 our 2nd son was born. He was colic until about 4 months old, so that was challenging. And then we finally took a step on the right direction and the colic was gone and all was good. All was great. For the next 3 months, that is. December of that same year, just 7 months after our rainbow baby was born, I found a lump. Then came a week of exams, scans, biopsies, and then just 2 weeks later... bam... stage 3 invasive ductal carcinoma... I had breast cancer. A mom, with 2 young kids- one of which was just 7 months old. Out of work because I needed to start chemo ASAP and for me, teaching on the chemo referred to as the red devil wasn’t going to work. I went from maternity leave to disability. I went from not pregnant, to miscarriages, to not pregnant, to pregnant, to having a baby and being post partum, to cancer.  Needless to say my body was already a mess. So then came 16 rounds of chemo, followed by a double mastectomy with reconstruction (tissue expanders), my prophylactic side (right side) got an infection, so right expander was removed, right side skin folded and tucked to try to preserve what would be needed for more reconstruction, left expander still in so I’m unsymmetrical (which I’m totally fine with) antibiotics for days, drains for weeks, learning that there was lymph node involvement, 28 rounds of proton radiation therapy for which I traveled what should have been for 40 min each way, but took me an hour each way most days, every week day for 28 days, to starting Lupron injections, to today, where I’m waiting for the green light to start my hormone blockers- medication with more side effects, which I will be on for about 10 years. I have an oncologist, a plastic surgeon, a breast surgeon, an infectious disease doctor, a dermatologist, and a psychiatrist, because let’s face it, anxiety is a given and meds are absolutely necessary. And I’m only 38. Actually I was 37 when I was diagnosed- a week before my 38th birthday. So I did all of that. And am still doing it. But again I’m a mom of 2 and they are 2 young kids that needed their mommy present and still need their mommy present. And throughout these 11 months there were events they took place... life just doesn’t stop. There was my birthday, child milestones, a first birthday, a 5th birthday, my husband’s birthday, other family members birthdays, a preschool graduation, tball, karate, holidays, dinners, family gatherings..... so many things I didn’t want to miss out on. But I had chemo treatments I needed to recover from and surgeries where I couldn’t move or lift my baby up for close to 6 weeks, and radiation that left me with burns that it hurt to move or hurt to have anything touching that area. And I needed to rest and sleep because those days after chemo were rough. Every single side effect that was possible, it happened. The bone pain and fatigue were the worst. The fatigue, at least I could sleep it off. The bone pain was absolutely unbearable at times. Most times. So with the support of my husband and my parents and my in-laws and other family members and friends, I was still able to parent my kids and be as available as I could be. My older son was in daycare everyday so he was taken care of. But I wasn’t working so I wasn’t receiving a full paycheck so daycare for the baby wasn’t possible. I needed help. And the fact that we tried for so long for another baby and finally we had him and now I couldn’t take care him myself.... devastating. I needed something to get me through. And my kids... they were it. I found that parenting and being present for them as best as I could was how I could do it. I got up every day for them. Even at my worst, I still got up every morning to see them off or wait for someone to come in and help me with our baby because my husband had to go to work. I wanted to be involved in my kids lives. I didn’t want to turn their lives upside down too. I didn’t want this to affect them negatively, but instead later on down the line when they are older I can look back with them and they can know how strong their mother really is. And they can learn from me how to be strong and positive when times get tough. But then, how do you successfully parent young kids while battling cancer? That was the question. How do you do it? For one, I had to do a lot of research. Then I realized I just had to dig down deep inside me when I thought I couldn’t do things, rest when I needed to and push myself a little when I was able to. I needed to make modifications to suit my needs and to be ok with camping out on the floor with the baby and playing when that was all I could do. I needed to remain positive and see the good in things, not dwell on anything, be grateful for what I did have, ask for help when I needed it, and be in communication with my husband and everyone that helped us. And when I couldn’t be present because I needed to rest or go for chemo treatments or radiation treatments, when I was in the hospital recovering or whatever it was that I needed to do any couldn’t be there, I needed to be kept in the know. I needed to be part of things whether it was a picture of my son at karate or a text message to tell me that Ryan napped well, I just needed that. I needed to be kept in the loop. While researching ways to help parent these kids of mine in the situation we were in, I realized that there’s not a lot of support out there for just moms with young kids. There’s tons of support for breast cancer patients as a whole, there’s support for older women, there’s support for very young women in their 20’s or under 30 primarily with no children, and there’s support for young women under 40, but nothing solely for moms with young kids. Throughout my journey I went to several support groups and I love all of them and single person that I’ve come across has  been so supportive of me and are of each other and I love all of the connections I’ve made, but my needs differ from theirs. I needed to connect with other young moms with young kids. I needed to bounce ideas off of them and listen to how they handled situations and how they coped with what I was going through while having kids. But there was nothing of the sort. So I’m hoping to change that. I want to help other moms with young kids find the support and the connections they may need. The first step in doing that is to share my story. I am an open book. I’m not ashamed or embarrassed that I had breast cancer and I won’t push it under a rug because it’s a part of who I am now. I learned a lot throughout these past 11 months. I’ve learned a lot about myself, about others and just about life in general. I have a new found appreciation for things I never even gave a thought to prior to this and new perspectives on many things. My favorite thing to say to anyone about my journey is that I’m in no way thankful for having cancer, but I am grateful for what my cancer journey has taught me. Don’t get me wrong.... I do have my bad days and off moments and I’m not all happy go lucky every second of every day. I get tired very easily and I have things that hurt me all of the time. But I found most helpful tool to feeling better was and still is to listen to my body and finding ways to feel grateful every single day. Fatigue is a good thing. It means your body needs to rest in order to heal from the torture it’s being put through. If I rest for a bit, I recharge and then a little while later I can do some more. And if I can get through my worst chemo days and still be present for my kids, I can get through anything. These days I’m creating a daily structure for myself in order to get stronger, so that I can return to my normal activities and will be able to work again eventually. Right now I know how much I can do at a time and when I need to rest. And hopefully the amount of time that I’m able to be on my feet or be active will increase and my needing to rest will decrease. I’d love to help others get to the same mindset that I have been in. I have created an instagram account solely for documenting and sharing about my journey parenting with cancer. If you are interested in following me, find me. @momssurvivingcancer

As always, I thank everyone for reading and for their continued love and support. I’m getting stronger everyday not only because of my own doing, but also because of all of the positive encouragement I’ve received from others out there. I can’t even begin to explain how your messages lift me up especially at times where I need it the most and continue to fill my heart. 💕

#teamMichele💗💪🏻👊🏻