Saturday November 9, 2019

When you face a horrific situation, one that you come out of somewhat in one piece, it changes you. Changes you in different ways. Some change for the worse because they can’t quite get a handle on what has happened and some change for the better because they realize that life is just too short to do anything else.

I’m one that always looks for the good in any given situation. You ask anyone who knows me best and they’ll tell you...
They say something that bothers them, I’ll try to look from the other perspective. Not that the person telling me about their situation is wrong, I just think I’m lucky to be able easily see something from someone else’s perspective. And To find that silver lining. Because I feel like everything happens for a reason.... even the not so good stuff.

You survive the not so good stuff and you end up seeing things in a different way. Maybe some people actually need to experience certain life changing events in order to think differently. Not to say that having cancer or any disease for that matter is warranted just to change someone’s thought process, but maybe being able to think differently and have a changed mind, or being able to find that silver lining in all the craziness helps to make things a little easier to take and can make others a bit more understanding and accepting. There’s a purpose for this all. When you are in the thick of it, it’s super hard, almost impossible to understand or even fathom why something of this nature is happening. But maybe you aren’t supposed to try to understand it. Maybe your supposed to just go with it and as hard is it may be to do so, to trust that wherever this is leading is what is supposed to happen. What is meant to be will be. And as hard as that might be to accept that, because some people’s journeys don’t turn out for the best, there always, always a bigger purpose for it. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, whether good or bad.

Now my cancer- bad. So so so bad on so many levels. But what I learned from my journey is something I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life. When you are given a situation where all you can do is hope for the best, that’s what you do. Unfortunately you also learn that everything is a gamble. Nothing is certain and nothing is promised. You can pray, if that’s what you do, you can talk to higher powers if that’s what you believe in, but ultimately it’s really just a gamble. And having faith in whatever it is you do to overcome your horrid situation, that everything will in fact work out for the best. You fight, you hope, you pray, and then at some point you just accept that this is happening and all you can do is exactly what you are doing and just keep on doing it.

Throughout the past almost year, I learned a lot about myself, about other people, and about life in general. I think I always knew this, but it wasn’t always in the forefront of my mind that in some way, everyone is struggling with something. Whether it be a life or death situation, whatever it may be, people are looking for validation, compassion, and support and I for one, being on the receiving end, will gladly give it back to those who need it.

Jealousy holds no place in this heart. Nor does competition, longing for attention, or dwelling. Instead I use my energy to inspire, to uplift, and support. If I can’t understand, I accept. I can empathize and sympathize. I can give love.  Because that’s what’s needed in this world. More acceptance and less judging. More compassion and less disrespect. To anyone. Just because on the outside someone doesn’t look like they are going through something, it doesn’t make what they are going through any less of importance. Just because someone doesn’t look or act sick, doesn’t mean they are well. Have compassion for people. Don’t judge. And don’t take anything for granted.

These past 2 weeks for me have been nothing short of amazing. Somehow, some of the best moments and opportunities just came before me. And maybe a year ago I might not have followed through- too shy, not enough confidence to go in front of so many people, or do a photoshoot where I was kind of exposed at times, feeling guilty for doing really amazing things, or dwelling on moments that have passed that you think “omg I should’ve done this, or why did I say that?” That’s just it. Feeling guilty and dwelling. Who stays up at night whole lying in bed trying to sleep and can’t because you either feel guilty about something or you’re dwelling on something? Those two things are really tough to rid yourself of. But somehow, one day, you just do. Out of nowhere things start making sense and start falling into place and sometimes it’s just unexplainable. I’m at that point. I still have miles to go and my journey is far from over. In fact, it will never be over as I have to do everything and anything to prevent any type of recurrence. Because life is honestly a gamble with a whole lotta faith. You pray and hope and take meds, but ultimately what happens is beyond your control. You can do all you can to try to prevent, but that’s all you can really do. So I choose now to make the most of my life. Not that I haven’t before, but even more so now. I will do what I love to do, with who I love to spend time with. Be it my husband, my kids, my parents, my sister, the rest of my family, my dear friends, and anyone else. I will make the most of my life and spend my time doing the things I love to do and will spend time with the ones that mean the most. And I will not feel guilty at all. Not one bit. I won’t dwell. I’ll look for the positives and the silver linings and enjoy every moment that I can because life is just to short to do anything else.

I have so many big ideas. Stay tuned.... the best is yet to come.....


💗💪🏻😊