January 5, 2019

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching. Mostly because, the way I see it, after all of this is said and done I’m basically being given a second chance.

I went for my CT scan on Thursday followed by an appointment with my oncologist and it was determined that there is no evidence of systemic disease. So that means my cancer hasn’t spread. What a relief! So now we wait for more reports for more information. We wait for my oncotype which is how much at risk I am for a reoccurrence, we wait for my genetic testing to see if I’m at risk for any other types of cancer, we wait for my lymph node biopsy because even though my cancer hasn’t spread to other areas of my body, I still need to have a sentinel biopsy to test the lymph nodes to be certain there are no cancer cells within them, and we wait for more information regarding the tumors themselves from when they are dissected after removal during my mastectomy. All of this will determine the chemo I’ll need. But one step at a time.

Right now at least we know that there’s no metastasis and that was the biggest unknown that I needed answered. I go to my surgeon Wednesday and back to my oncologist Thursday so we’ll get more answers soon enough.

So after this is all said and done, once my surgery is done and any attacking is needed from chemo and radiation, I at least know I’ll be completely disease free. This could’ve been so much worse.

So I soul search and know how differently I want to do things, and realize the things that truly matter, and the people that are most important, and the directions in life I’d like to pursue. I mean I always knew these things in the back of my mind, but how many times do we push our own needs aside because there isn’t enough time or things just get in the way. That just simply cannot happen anymore. Because life can be too short and things like cancer can happen to anyone. And not even cancer but any type of illness. We need to make the most out of everything we’ve got. There’s no time for pettiness and unsupportive people. There is time for forgiveness and redirection. Spend time with the people who are most important, get rid of the ones who bring you down, if they can’t change themselves. Set your goals and dreams and do them. Be open minded but also but be firm with what you stand for. Be kind. Always be kind. You never ever know what is going on behind closed doors or in someone else’s mind, life, etc. Help people to rise up instead of bringing them down. If you get mad at someone, tell them what they did and figure out a way to make things better instead of getting rid of them. Communication is a wonderful tool. We all shouldn’t feel as if we are expendable to others because of something we may say or do differently or do wrong in someone else’s mind. Speak up when necessary but really hear what others are saying to you.

I’ve always thought like this. But I will now more so than ever before. I’m not done soul searching yet, though it’s a great start. But I thought I’d share what I’ve come up with so far. I love helping others and maybe I can help someone else.