February 1, 2019- Day 17 into treatment

A few of you messaged me already. And I might not be answering everyone so I’ll post here. And I’m going to be honest. Today I feel like absolute crap. 2 days after my second infusion and about 15 hours after my nuelasta injection and yep I am definitely joining in on this tribe of women who have unfortunately gone through the A/C treatment. Neulasta went off at about 4:45pm last night and by 6:30pm I was asleep on the couch. Slept through my kids eating dinner, baths, showers, bedtime. Then I woke up and went into my own bed and slept until about 6am this morning. This morning my eyes opened but I couldn’t move at all. I lay there for an hour thinking about how the hell I was going to get myself up. I didn’t want to move a muscle in my body. Not that it hurts, I just feel awful. I mean I didn’t have to get up but Matthew was getting ready for school and I wanted to see him before he left and I gotta stay strong so I decided on the count of three I was getting myself into a hot shower. Counted to 3 and I did it. Got in the shower and that’s where I started pulling out clumps and clumps of hair. Pardon my language but this s^*t is getting real now. I mean it was real when I went for my infusions, but for awhile I didn’t look sick. Now I’ll look the part. And I know I’ll look fine and no hair doesn’t define me. It’s just another step in this craziness that I’m just not really looking forward to. I was ready and waiting for this time to come, but as ready as you are doesn’t mean it doesn’t come with some disappointment and sorrow. You deal with it and get on with it. So I did just that. And as much as it sucked seeing my hair fall out, it just means that the chemo is working. Gotta see the positives. Saw Matthew off to school, my mom is here helping with Ryan and I’m back in my bed and I’m not sure how much I’ll be moving today. Just queasy and yucky are the words. But this just means the chemo is working... finding the positives in all of this and continuing staying strong.
💗💪🏻