Tuesday May 28 2019
The night before my last chemo treatment.

I’m laying here tonight and of course I’m so tired but I can’t fall asleep. I’ve never been so excited to sit in a chemo chair. Tomorrow is it. Day #134 and my last treatment. I’ve made it to taxol #12. I still have to get through the next few days after, as the bone pain, headaches, and other side effects are just unexplainable at this point, but I’ll get through it just like I have the 11 times before on this type of chemo and 4 other times on the first type of chemo I received.

Needless to say, I’m tired. Not exhausted tired but my body is just tired. Tired of feeling the way I do, tired of this routine I’ve been living for the past 4 months, but grateful that I get to see that light at the end of the tunnel, right now for the chemo part at least. I’ve come a long way since that night of December 9th when I found my lumps and I’ve come an even longer way since my first chemo session back on January 16th. It’s all been a learning process and I’m proud to say I’ve really learned some valuable lessons. I’ve stayed so positive throughout because that’s just me and who I am. It takes A LOT to push aside the pains and side effects that consume my daily life, but I do it. I do it for myself and for my kids. The more I keep busy, the less I think about how awful I really do feel.  If my kids want to play, I get on that floor as much as I can but I’ve learned to modify how I need to play. Sometimes I toss a ball with Matthew while my arms tingle and I maybe last for 5 throws and catches before I need a break, or sometimes in the backyard I play catch sitting down if my legs are too tired. This evening Matthew and I played hot potato with a ball and I just pushed through until I needed to take a break. I don’t let my ailments stop me from living. I may get winded easier, I might need frequent breaks, I may have to sleep on certain days for longer, but I figure out a way to do what I can. I’m extremely thankful, as most of who I’ve seen throughout this time say that I don’t look sick and that if I’m not feeling too well that I hide it well. I’ve just learned to manage and glad my hard times don’t show easily.  Today I spent the better part of the morning meeting with and helping another young girl who is a mother of 2 children, both around the same ages as my kids, who was just diagnosed similarly as me. I’m happy that I’m looked at as though I’m able to help others already, even when I’m not finished yet myself. I was asked to meet with her, to help ease her mind a bit and I take pride in myself now knowing that I can help others navigate this awful awful time.

I still have a lot to go though myself. Nothing like chemo but the next step is surgery. I go in Monday, July 1st for surgery, which will be  a double mastectomy and to sample lymph nodes. No reconstruction at that time. Then we wait for pathology reports to determine if I’ll need radiation or not. Right now it’s up in the air until we get that pathology report. If radiation is needed, I’ll start in August. Then I won’t be able to do reconstruction until about February. If no radiation, I go back in 6-8 weeks after my mastectomy for my reconstruction. So that’s the game plan as of now.

Thank you again for your continuous love and support and keep sending those good wishes and vibes my way! 💪🏻💗🙏